I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
