i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize