Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
