Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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