Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
