chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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