I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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