Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
they call him Oral-B. enough said
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
