When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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