Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
