this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
