I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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