He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
