you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love you. Go after that dick
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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