i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
