Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
