I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
