Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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