We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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