Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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