I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
