But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
