Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
