i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
