Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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