Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
