she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
