This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
