is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
