I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's the barista slut.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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