Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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