So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
