Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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