Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
