I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
