I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
