Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
