If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so let's talk penis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
