Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
