WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
