your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
