The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have already put on my inside pants.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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