When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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