No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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