Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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