i just wanna soil my oats bro
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
