what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
