i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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