The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
