Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
