I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
