i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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