There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
