This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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