Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
