Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
