So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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