you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
