Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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