we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
