the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
