it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
