how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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