it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
