No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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