doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
