Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
