It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
