apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
