At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
