i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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