it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
