Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
