my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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