Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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