seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
