I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
