hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
