He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize