I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
