sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
