Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
