he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
