we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize