it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
