I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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