I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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