I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
