I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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