Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
And then my night got REAL pukey
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